Obsessed's Blog

Obsessed with reality, fantasy and everything in between

Empathy

Heavy steps, deliberate, paced, anticipated. The walk of a tired a man, worn from the world. A saunter unmistakeable, driven by mere determination, pride, dignity, and a lot of running out adrenaline. His eyelids literally stretch and heavy weight lift from the twice strength gravity that they suddenly decided to go hand to hand combat with. The pressure across his neck and shoulders has become so heavy that everything around seems to be dragged down with them.

A mother and her child. She stares into his eyes hoping, wishing, praying that he won’t have the instinct to know why his diet has consisted of merely crackers for the past three days. He asks no questions, he doesn’t cry, he doesn’t even frown anymore at the pain. Numb.

Anguish is contagious… I think. I feel, maybe… I don’t know. All I do know is that I kinda stopped reading the news lately, maybe a bit of isolation from this haunted world will keep me from holding back the tears at night. I’m such a crybaby. But sometimes I can’t help the all consuming feeling of being as helpless and hopeless and useless as the man under bridge by the school. Why he chose there as opposed to under a desk, I suppose I’ll never know. Yet and still I cry. Because every time I walk past him and smile that sweet mirthy smirk of pity, I realize that I am the reason he still sits there. And when the guilt consumes me at night that I had not the courage to walk up and take his hand and say come with me because I was too busy, too proud, too caught up in my own insecurities to realize that this man worse off than me survives on little to nothing yet I complain because my eggs weren’t over easy, yes, I, cry.

Sometimes my chest becomes so heavy with his burden and her burden and their inequities that I forget that I too have to eat. They say you must be strong for them, so I guess I must at least take that time. But if and only if that means that this nourishment to my body will strengthen yours too. No? It doesn’t work like that? Oh I’m sorry, because last time I checked my blood was your blood, and our chests bellowed the same. You inhale what I exhale so I believe that makes us one in the same. So when I eat you should too and yet I have allowed you to starve instead. Because I was too concerned with stuffing my face that I didn’t realize the other half of me was laying on its cement deathbed.

Those are my tears that run amuck the crevices of every hour upon the hour that I sit here idly and allow myself to die. One by one, picking off every ounce of resolve I have left that it won’t be me next and yet I have yet to realize that I am already gone and that my heart is all that’s left. So alone, so alone, so I cry. Haunted by the imagery of blood and poverty my resolve is weak so I presume I have no other choice but to succumb to the empathy.

Do.
Something.

I am You

Why….
Why…….
Why?

Do you hurt me?
Why do you love me?

Why do I care for you?
Because she cared for me too?

Because he showed you bit of love and affection?
Or rather subject you to heartless rejection?

Is that why your words burn so deep?
And my anger management has taken control of me?

Because the whips slashed his back,
And his hands strangled mine,
I have become something borne
unto the sands of time

See just like your affectionate kiss upon the cheek,
And your graceful calming touch
Has taught me, yes indeed
How to care and how to love

What have I become?
Just who lives inside this soul?
Who am I?
My fate is not in my control.

Because I am the air I breathe
And your recklessness has blackened my breath
And I am the songs you sing
Your tune bellows in my chest

And I am every single time he hurt you
And every word you said out of line
I am the chains that he bore across his back
And I am the trouble in the vine

I am the passionate love you made that night
I mean I couldn’t have gotten here any other way
I am the way you look her in the eyes
Every single day

I am every time you told him I love you
Because I’ll always be Daddy’s little girl
I am the pain in her eyes when you walked away
And shattered the remnants of her world

I am the vindication in your voice
Your words have toughened my skin
I am every no you ever said
That’s why I tried it again

And every time you doubted me
and her
and him
That’s we have risen up
And taken back our rightful win

Because we are not an independent people
But an interdependent people
Your shoulder carries my head
My tongue speaks life to the next

We must overcome the past
For a brighter new day
We must learn to walk in pride
not in jealousy and in hate

Yes we must remember that
Everything you do,
you are passing along to the next
And everything you touch
Can ultimately become your best
Or worst nightmare in a dream

We must learn to take the ultimate responsibility
For everything we speak
Becomes someone else’s reality

So when the day has come to an end
And you ask what have I done?
I say everything you told me to,
For indeed I am the one
who trusted with all my heart
Because you taught me not to hate

I am the one who gave everything I could
to make sure you always found your way
And every time my fists tightened
And my chest could barely move
I remember the days he swung and never missed
and knew that’s not what I’d do to you

So instead I took you in my heart every place I’d go
And showed the love and affection you showed me
Because I wanted everyone to know
That
I
Am
You.

Do You Believe in Lust at First Sight?

An animal.
Endowed with unspeakable knowledge.
Nonetheless, a creature.

Instinct.
It may know a lot of things
but two things it Can Be Sure Of:
to Survive
and to Reproduce.

Savage.
Fight,
fight,
until surrender
or death
for what it found
First.

Are mating partners really meant to be
life partners?

I saw you.
And then..
I saw You.
And then..
You opened up the door of your soul
just a peek
and I got a glance of YOU.

And then I laid with
you.
And then I told myself that I
loved
YOU,
and that I wanted to
be
with
You,
but in actuality,
I
just
wanted
you.

So of course I would
lie in your arms every night
and fill you with
sweet kisses and
soft lullabies
just
so
that
I
Knew…

That you would keep giving me that lovin’
that
shameful way
that you do.

You.

From the moment you caught my eye
I knew in the forefront of my mind
that you
were
mine.

Would I ever give you up?
Not a chance in this life..
You are
one-of-a-kind,
perfection of time,
a diamond in the rut,
my one true find;
You
are
mine.

Because I found you first.

So I’ll spell it out for you.
I
LOVE
YOU.

L
O
V
E

It means
Living On the Very Edge
Hanging by a thread
Knowing that as long as I can keep it good
I know you’ll always be in my bed.

So I
swing my hips
in tune with the plan
knowing that as long as I can
keep my hands in your pants
you’ll ALWAYS be my man.

So I
kiss you every night
and tell you I Love You
Just like I should…

But when our parting days have come
All I can say is that
the sex
was good.

The Prayer

Well hey there old man
It’s been quite a while
I haven’t tugged your tail recently
Or coaxed you for a smile

But I need a small favor
Please, just a simple request
I need you to touch the heart of another
And love him at your best

I mean, I know you can do it
I’ve experienced it first hand
The gentle passion of your touch
The tender care in your sweet plan

But this dear friend of mine
Has had it kinda rough
He’s been shown merely artificial
So he finds it hard to trust

And now he’s in a predicament
And little ol’ me can’t get him out of it
So I just need you to spread your perfect wings
And caress him in just the way
That you see to be fit

For only you can truly understand
The broken sorrows of his heart
And only you can stretch forth your hand
To fix the pieces that fell apart

Yes I’m praying for his mind
Please reach into his thoughts
Caress the gentle corners of his cheeks
When he feels his words are at a loss

Show him the meaning of happiness
Can only be found within
Oh, how I remember those crying nights
Of searching again and again

Because we’re looking for love in all the wrong places
And desiring what we simply cannot have
Please my dearest Father
Show his heart a more worthy path

Guide his feet with unmistakeable light
Order his steps in the most perfect line
Grace his heart with a joy like none other
Open the eyes of his sorrowed mind

Yes indeed, I say this prayer
For I remember once when it was me
At the alter I laid and cried
Not knowing where else to be

But from that very day forward
I knew it contently within my soul
That your love is everlasting
And that your hand has all control

And that happiness abides
On the gentle wings of the butterfly
Allow it to flutter across your mind
And your soul will never cry.

That is my prayer.
I say in that sweet heavenly name
For I know that you are with him
Even when I am not

Amen, and Amen again.

Wake Up

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
Find me by the sleeping clock
Time you slyly drift away
Slipping through my hands of clay

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
Dreaming of the frozen clock
Standing still in fields of gold
Holding hands of young and old

Kisses of the angel sent
Love is Cupid’s vengeance spent
Shot my heart and knocked me dead
Your touch has woke me up again

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
Time is but a theory sought
Lie with me through night and day
Wake up again and find your way

Real is but a fantasy
My dreams are my reality
My heart it reaches out for thee
My love is right in front of me

…..

Where did you go again?
I looked back and I found the wind…
It shook me on the ground I stand
It rocked me in its condolence

Where did you go again?
You’ve up and left me
What a friend
You walked right through my sanity
I should have known your vanity

…..

Tap
Tap, Tap
Tap, Tap
Tap, Tap

Tap
Tap, Tap
Tap, Tap
Tap, Tap

Caught up in a dream…
Caught up in a dream…
Searching for
Something more
Something not to be

Caught up in a dream…
Caught up in a dream…
Open your eyes
From my disguise

Wait.

Is that you lying next to me?

Wake up.

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